I can see your heart bleeding
by BadassGenius
Summary: It takes place during the shooting in Grey's Anatomy S6's finale. Addison's there too and...


**Fandom:** Grey's Anatomy  
**Character: **Addison&Derek **Rating:** T  
**Status**: Complete (One-Shot)  
**Disclaimer & Author's Note**: Characters and show belong to Shonda Rhimes . I wish Grey's was mine, things would be a lot different. Guess what? For once, title's mine! Hooray for me! The italicized text is Addison's voiceover, instead of Derek's/Meredith's. If you listen to Leave out all the rest (Linkin Park) or Down (Jason Walker) while reading my fic, this story will be even more intense. Just sayin'.

**I can see your heart bleeding.**

_The last of day of your life. You can't see it coming, you can't plan it. It just… happens. If you knew when your last day on this earth was, would you do something special? Would you tell the most important person in your life that you love them? Would you say goodbye? If you had just one chance, what would you ask for? But like I said, you don't know when you're going to die. Because, it just happens._

There's always something wrong in this hospital, you think while hiding yourself in an on-call room. This crazy man, Gary Clark, is walking around the hospital, killing all the doctors he can meet on his way. You are scared to death, you are so alone in that damn on-call room. You lock the door, switch off the light and lay under a stretcher. You don't know what to do, you don't know how long you are supposed to stay in this room. You're pissed because things like this always happen when you're here in Seattle for an emergency, when Richard needs the OB Goddess. He's like a father to you but now you're mad at him.

You suddenly hear a gunshot. You start trembling, you want to cry but you try your best to stay strong. Then you hear another gunshot and you know you can't stay there, under the stretcher, while your colleagues are getting killed. It takes all your bravery to stand up, unlock the door and leave the room.

There's nobody in the hall. You look left, then right. There are some bloodstains on the floor, you're even more scared now. What if somebody you know got shot? What if… _he_ got shot? You shake your head, trying to send those scary thoughts away.

You start running, you want to reach the closest elevator because you want to check something. You want to check if _he_'s in his office. You know you're not married anymore, you know he's over you but you want to be sure that he's fine. You know that Derek's the reason why Gary Clark's here so you really feel the need to check on your ex-husband. Finally, you see an elevator. Nobody's in, so your ride ends right away.

You're running and you can see somebody long way out. Meredith and Cristina. Cristina's holding Meredith, who's screaming. It doesn't take you long to understand what's going on. You turn your head and you see the scariest scene of your entire life: Gary Clark is pointing his gun towards Derek's chest. You want to cry, you want to run to Derek, you can't stand Meredith's voice, she's freaking you out. You tell her to shut the hell up but she won't listen to you, Cristina looks at you like you were an evil bitch.

You slowly walk closer to Derek and Mr. Clark. Derek won't see you because you're behind him but you don't know what Mr. Clark will do when he sees you. You want to talk to him, ask him to forgive Derek, to put his gun down. You want to do at least one thing right in your crappy life.

"You'd better leave, Madame" Mr. Clarks tells you. "Or I'm gonna kill you too. I don't care if you are a woman" he's angry, you understand it from his voice.

"Mr. Clark, please" you beg him, your hands in front of you, showing him that you are not holding any kind of weapon. "Let Dr. Shepherd go."

Derek's hears your voice, he doesn't turn to look at you because he knows that Mr. Clark would kill him If he did something like that. He starts talking, his voice is frightened but calm. "Addison, what the hell are you doing? Go away!"

"I'm not going anywhere, Derek" you say, moving a little closer to him. You're so close to him that you can almost touch his body. You want to hug him, to show him that you're here for him but you know that Mr. Clark wouldn't appreciate it.

"Addison, don't be stupid" Derek's begging you to leave, he wants you to be safe.

"Who is this woman, Dr. Shepherd?" Mr. Clarks growls at Derek. You take advantage of the situation and take those last two steps you need to be by Derek' side. You're next to him now, your arm touching his one letting him know that everything's going to be alright.

"She… She's my ex-wife" Derek whispers.

"Ex-wife, huh?" Mr. Clarks yells "You're such a failure, Dr. Shepherd!" he's now yelling.

You know he's getting more and more angry every second. You need to do something. Now!

"Mr. Clark" you start talking "Please, put your gun down. We're not going to hurt you. Just let us go. Killing Derek won't fix your problems. It won't make things right. You won't get even. Trust me, please. It's the other way around, instead. It will make things worse, it will aggravate your situation, your position. Please."

Derek whispers something to you but you can't hear his words, he looks at you but you don't notice it because you're too focused on keeping eye-contact with Gary Clark. You want to let him know that he can trust you. You can see Gary Clark closing his eyes and pulling the trigger.

Everything happens too fast. You quickly push Derek away and then you fall, you fall on the cold floor. You hit your head on the ground, you feel something burning inside. You put your hands on your lap and your fingers can feel blood, a lot of blood. Your scrub gets wet immediately. Blood's all over your lap, your belly.

The second after the shot, you can hear Gary Clark running away and you can feel Derek holding you in his arms, crying desperately. He's saying something to you but it all sounds so far. It takes you all the strength you have to stay awake and listen to Derek's words.

"No, Addie, don't die! Don't die on me!" he's cradling you in his arms.

"De… Der…" you want to talk to him for the last time but you can't, you're getting weaker and weaker.

"Don't talk! Just look at me, look at me in the eyes!" he's crying, his voice is trembling.

"I'm sorry… for everything" you finally manage to say, looking at him straight in the eyes.

"Don't, Addie, don't" he kisses you on your forehead. His lips are so warm compared to your cold skin. Even if your arm feels so heavy, you slowly move it onto Derek's one. He squeezes your hand.

"Stay, stay with me! Don't leave me!" he cries. "I…" he starts talking but then he does something unexpected, something he hasn't done in such a long time. He kisses you on your lips, his tears fall on your cheeks, you can feel his pain. You kiss him back, you wish this moment would never end.

Your heart starts beating slowly, you can't feel your legs, your head is hurting so much. You know you're dying but even if you made it, you would be pretty bad injured. You want to say him these words for the very last time.

"I … I love you, Derek" you say these words as loud as you can.

Derek is now sobbing, he's holding you in his arms but you can't feel his warmth anymore. You can barely hear the last words he'll ever say to you.

"I love you too, Addie. I've never stopped loving you! I … I made a mistake, it should have never been this way! I should be the one dying today, not you!" he kisses you again but you can barely feel his lips on yours.

You close your eyes and take your last breath. You can't hear your Derek yelling at the ceiling, you can't feel him holding you tighter, you can't feel his forehead on yours, his lips on yours for the very last time.

You're gone. You have always felt like you had never done anything right in your entire life but now you know that you have done the best thing a woman could ever do for the man she loves: you sacrificed yourself for him, you gave your life to safe Derek. You couldn't care less, though. You're happy that Derek's alive and you know that he would have done the same for you. Most of all, you know that Derek still loves you and he knows that you've never stopped loving him. You've had other flings, other stories but Derek will always be the right guy for you. The one for you. And you will always be the one for him.

_They say that when you're dying, you can see your life flashing before your eyes. Now, I know that's true. You get to see the best moments of your life. I saw my life with Derek. You see, redemption's possible. Saving Derek's life was my redemption, my way to be happy again. You don't know when you'll die but in the moment your life is coming to an end you can feel it. You can feel death. It's like… Like a ghost walking by your side. It's a moment you'll never forget. Your death, I mean. There were so many things I wanted to tell Derek but I was able to tell him the most important thing, I got to tell him that I love him. Like I said, death happens and there's nothing you can do to prevent it. So, live everyday like it was your last day of life because you can never know when death will come and get you; and when it comes, it doesn't matter how hard you try, you'll have to surrender, eventually. In a moment as quick as an eye blink, you'll be gone.. _


End file.
